Naomi's Memory

Sometimes what is considered a "thorn" in your life can become something beautiful.  When we lost Jacob we never imagined that almost 5 years later we would be given a beautiful gift from our daughter Naomi.

This week Naomi was given an assignment in her Literature Class.  The assignment was to write a paper based on a memory she had with a friend.  When she was finished writing her paper she shared it with me.  Tears of joy flowed as I read about this sweet memory she has with her brother.  I asked her if she would mind sharing it on our blog since we all have things in our life that are considered thorns but will one day be made beautiful.  She agreed to share this with you to encourage you.

A Time Capsule

        There I was, finally able to go to my brother’s room and spend the night with him. Since he had been diagnosed with cancer in March he had been staying up at Children’s Hospital in Denver. The hospital did not allow me to visit him because I was underage. I had to be 13 years old to visit him in his room. Months went by before I could see him.. Finally, in December I turned 13 and was able to see Jacob again. Mom and I went up to his floor, but before we could go into his room, we had to wash our hands for two minutes. Then, and only then , were we allowed to enter the seventh floor. We went into his room and there he was, on the hospital bed playing video games. I immediately went up to him and hugged him. We were both exuberant to see each other again. I sat down on a chair while he went back to his bed and paused the game. He and I instantly started catching up with each other. We were both in a daze that we are hanging out with each other again, just like old times. Mom, seeing this unraveling, Jacob and I together, best friends from the orphanage, and then becoming a brother, and a sister with the same last name. She left the room to go get something and Jacob and I started playing Minecraft in survival mode. We were surviving in Minecraft, then suddenly, out of nowhere, we burst out laughing. I do not remember what was funny. Perhaps it was because I was  still trying to figure out the controls or Jacob glitching in the game while making funny noises. It was so fun being with him again. We eventually got a hold of ourselves and started a new game. His favorite. We played the game Portals.  It is a robot puzzle game. All the robots have portal guns. There were two characters in the game, I was P-Body, a robot that was shaped like an egg. Jacob was Atlas, a robot that was shaped like a circle. In the game, we had to work together to open up doors by using our portal guns. We both became experts at the game. We noticed the robots walking funny. We started laughing uncontrollably because it was hilarious watching them.  We would move our robots in circles again and again because of how funny the robots looked. It was almost time for bedtime and quiet but he and I could not stop laughing out loud. Mom came into the room and saw us dying of laughter from simply watching the robots walk.  We then stopped for a few seconds, looked at each other, then looked at the screen, and then we laughed again; but this time more tears of joy, and more abb pains from all the laughter. Mom had a lost face at first and then an understanding face. She knew how valuable that time was with him.  And I know how priceless the laughter was with him and how influential the short time I had with him on this earth was. 

Oh, the sweet memories we have with Jacob.  They are special gifts given to us by the One who loves us and has turned our thorns into something so very beautiful.   Our sorrow has been replaced by joy.

His Thing

Silence. I've been quiet for almost a year now. It is very, very hard for me to write about this - but it is time....time for me to tell you how I "got what I asked for".  Do you remember when (in the last post) I realized that I got what I asked for in pursuing these beautiful boys?

I'll remind you of what I asked for...

"Use this Jesus to tell your story. Don't let this be about Lorrie and I. Don't let this be about us. When people see and hear what you are doing Jesus please take the honor, please take the praise, please take what you are worthy of...all of it."

On that day two years ago, I asked Jesus with all of my heart to let the 'adoption' be about him. Last September it became clear to me that he answered that prayer he...gave me what I asked for. Namely an opportunity to make this all about Jesus.  Naively, I thought I knew what that meant. I thought it meant for Lorrie and I to be with Levi, Josiah and Issac - to be their parents.  I assumed this to be the truth.  I assumed....

How do we assume to know the mind of the Almighty? Makes perfect sense now after 7 months of wondering why...why they are no longer here.  We can't assume to know anything about His purposes - save one thing.. they are good.  They are to prosper us, give us a hope and a future  (Jer 29:11).  I assumed way more than that.  I knew what I was after...giving a family to these boys, love they never had, emptying the orphanage and all that. Those things while good - those were my things.  

As you have probably surmised by now they are no longer ours...You have to understand....these boys needed and still do - much more than 'my things'. The wounds we could not see, the impact of living in fear, being abused and yes abusing others all took their toll.  I'm a Veteran.  I have seen the impacts of war on my brothers...and I have seen the same thing in these dear ones - and more.  Biological brothers...who teaches us how to be a brother or a sister? They had no mother or father to teach them...the word brother had no significance to them.  Family... they never saw one, pretty hard to know what 'adoption' is if you're them. My things....

His Boys

My things were not what they needed. Humbling. But then I think back to  His things... Jesus steamrolled a path to ...yes, rescue.  His thing.  Jesus arranged for the financing of the whole effort to... empty the orphanage. His thing.  Jesus mobilized hundreds of you to pray for us, to give to get them out of there....His thing. And though it has wounded us deeply (See Prov 27:6) Jesus chose Lorrie and I to spearhead the rescue....His Thing.  We had a role to play, he told us 'go' and we stepped out...His thing.

I often think of this loss as 'worse' than our 'loosing' Jacob.  But if you believe what Jesus said neither Jacob or these boys are lost.  They were never ours to loose.  They belong to the one who said "no one can pluck you from my hand" - just as I am, just as you are.  We are all... His Thing. 

So the boys are still here in America.  They have been placed with another family.  It will be a long road for them and the family.  Pray for all of them...for revelation, for healing, for light to invade dark places, for wisdom and discernment to carry the parents....for freedom.  I also want to take a moment to thank those closest to us who walked with us during all of this... you know who you are but you have no idea of how deeply you have ministered to us...His thing.

Letting go of my things....

Marshall

Exactly What I Asked For...

It's been 60 days since Levi, Josiah and Isaac came home. Full of energy, exploring everything new.  Levi, Josiah and Isaac are tight.  They love legos and 4 wheeling. They love having brothers and sisters and swimming - well that is the holy grail.

Naomi Giving a Nature Talk on Beavers to the Boys

But - I want you to know that frankly, we had no idea....no idea of how hard this would be.  Eight years in an orphanage...eight years without a Mother to sing to them or a Father to scoop them up. Eight years of being taken care of - certainly - but connected, having the opportunity to form those deep connections with Mom, Dad, Sister and Brother.  No.

There is so much work - catch up really that needs to be done.  English for starters.  If 100% is the measure they are at 2%.  Emotions - how do we express emotions like anger or fear in a family?  - They had no clue (that's much better now by the way).  How do I convey to them how much God loves them - how much I love them?  How do we get them to open up their bond with each other to us - to a family? For the first time in my life I understand I am not capable.

I lack everything these boys need. I do.  I don't have the patience.  I don't the compassion.  I don't have the patience (did I say that already?).  I certainly don't have the Tagalog skills. I don't have enough ...of anything to do this.  I might as well be facing down my fierce enemy with a plastic fork. I am beside myself, frustrated and cry out "Lord I am so angry at his resistance to speak English! How am I supposed to do this!"

And...this is all a blessing. It has driven me to my knees where I have become absolutely destitute.  Each morning I find myself with Jesus -I wish I could say out of my devotion - but no.  It is out of my absolute poverty that I show up. Usually out of gas, exhausted and often discouraged.  I know if I don't show up - I'm done. That is why I go to him.

"You called us to this, this is your doing Jesus - if you don't show up we're going to fail...we have nothing to offer. - we will fail. But this is your story and you do not fail."  And then today I remembered.. on September 6th of last year I prayed this prayer (see post):
              

"Use this Jesus to tell your story. Don't let this be about Lorrie and I. Don't let this be about us. When people see and hear what you are doing Jesus please take the honor, please take the praise, please take what you are worthy of...all of it.

When people want to say "what a nice family" let them say instead "what an amazing Savior."

When people hear about this and think "how are they possibly going to afford that?" let them remember that you are Jehovah Jireh (the Lord will Provide).

When people wonder "how can they adopt and love three kids they've never met?" let them remember that you are Jehovah El Roi (The God who sees me).

This is your story Jesus, we're just blessed enough to be in it. Proclaim your name, get the glory because you are Worthy and it is your story."

Jesus has and is still answering this prayer.  I realize now that for him to get the glory, I have to become nothing - exactly what I asked for.   I have finally learned what it means to become nothing so that Christ can become everything. It has taken the biggest challenge of my life to get me past the point of saying it to doing it - becoming nothing. And I have never seen him more clearly.

He has been and will always be enough.  All things are "Yes" in him.  Yes, these boys have a family and it is and will be good.  Yes, they have a Mom and a Dad and those bonds will strengthen. Yes, they have a home and they will grow to be men and remember it fondly.  And above all, Yes, there is a Savior who loves them...  and they will one day know Him.

Lucky to be in the Story He's Telling.

Marshall

Mabuhay

We'll we're here.  Yesterday we flew from Colorado Springs to Dallas.  From Dallas over Nome AK, across the Bering Sea, over the Kamchatka peninsula, down the length of Japan, across the China Sea to  Hong Kong.  After four hours in Hong Kong we flew onto  Manila.  After landing, customs and baggage claim we arrived at our hotel Sound long? Yes it was.

After arriving I have to say we were...well... EXHAUSTED.   We awoke today to Manila.  If you've not been here there's no way for us to explain to you.  So I'll give you  an idea....think sleeping very soundly in a sound proof room, waking up and stepping outside through a door into a beehive made of humans - with motorcycles, tricycles, jeepneys all honking their horns in a friendly "excuse me Sir" .  This city is like kicking over the largest ant hill you've ever seen.

ICAB just called us.  "The boys are soo excited - they keep asking "when will they come?"  Tomorrow the waiting ends.  Praise God the waiting ends.

More Later

The Wortheys

And so...we're off.

Unbelievable and  yet it is our reality.... We're going.

The last few days at least for me have been kind of bewildering....A rush of final preparation, packing and arranging.  Really to the point of too busy,  Too busy to remember and think about the shear size of what God himself is doing. 

Naomi wrote the names of my children on my ankle yesterday...

It's starting to hit me - the magnitude of what God is doing...not only are we adding three beautiful boys to our family....I will baptize my daughter in the Philippines (per her request).  I will explain to her and to the boys what this means.

Before you say "what a great guy" -I have to confess to you that I can't follow the  Lord.  I am a continuous mess up from a religious perspective. I can be shall we say.."rough around the edges...and worse".  But thank God - Jesus himself is not religious...and his atonement paid my bill.   He knows I don't "have this" (or anything else).  I have no place else to go but to the cross... I have to remember that the atonement is really...finished.  I have to remember that Jesus will use me/us not because of me but in spite of me. So no - I'm not worthy -but He is...

This morning I tried to slow down a bit and I opened up my favorite - Oswald Chamber's "My Utmost for His Highest.  As usual - Oswald nailed the whole thing...

Have you the slightest reliance on anything other than God? Is there a remnant of reliance left on any natural virtue, any set of circumstances? Are you relying on yourself in any particular in this new proposition which God has put before you? That is what the probing means. It is quite true to say — “I cannot live a holy life”; but you can decide to let Jesus Christ make you holy. “Ye cannot serve the Lord God” — but you can put yourself in the place where God’s Almighty power will come through you. Are you sufficiently right with God to expect Him to manifest His wonderful life in you?

“Nay, but we will serve the Lord.” It is not an impulse, but a deliberate commitment. You say — “But God can never have called me to this, I am too unworthy, it can’t mean me.” It does mean you, and the weaker and feebler you are, the better. The one who has something to trust in is the last one to come anywhere near saying — “I will serve the Lord.”

We say — “If I really could believe!” The point is — If I really will believe. No wonder Jesus Christ lays such emphasis on the sin of unbelief. “And He did not many mighty works there because of their unbelief.” If we really believed that God meant what He said — what should we be like! Dare I really let God be to me all that He says He will be?  -My Utmost for His Highest, 9 July

I'm going to choose today to really believe - He is all he says he is to me....and more.

We'll keep you posted - we are to add Levi, Josiah and Isaac to our family this Friday  

Marshall

Sinner, Saved by Grace, Acquitted and in His Service

And ....BANG! It happened...

This past Wednesday night Lorrie and I were dejected. "My goodness, why is it taking so long?" we both wondered.  The boys had gone to their Visa appointment at our embassy in Manila - check.  They had their medical exams...check.  What on earth could be the holdup?

Resigned to another day of no news the conversation shifted to "...well I guess we could go camping this weekend..."  Fun, but not where our hearts are.  Then we drifted off to sleep.

RING! Dazed from a hard sleep I squinted at the caller ID - "crap I hate that being 50 something comes with poor eyesight too..."  Hello?  "Marshall and Lorrie?  This is Hand in Hand....You're approved for travel!"  Maybe you heard the whoop from Green Mountain Falls Thursday morning or maybe you didn't.  But rest assured our neighbors did.  That morning was first well..shock.  As in "this is really happening..." and " uhhh..what do we do first?.."  What a great problem to have!

Friends this is happening....

Jacob's Adoption - Made Final

It's happening because  Jesus is telling a story here and you like us are characters in the story.  Whether you have given financially or if you been on your knees for us - you're in the story.  Even if you're a spectator - you are in the story.  This is not about us - this is about God "placing the lonely in families" and whether  you are watching or participating somehow... you're seeing it.  And you know what?  I think it's a story that will be retold often after He restores all things.

We are thankful and happy you're in the story.

So - what is next?  Airfare and it's expensive.  As of 6/29 it's hovering around 2K for a round trip for one person.  Four over - seven back - do the math. It's daunting but not really.  You see God has brought us this far (read here for that part of the story).  He will get them home.

One of the greatest things we'll tell these boys is..."do you have any idea how God used hundreds of people to get you here? - Let me tell you the story..."  Enter - (place your name here)...


We Love you all,

Marshall and Lorrie

A New Perspective

One of the hardest times during an adoption comes when all of the paperwork is completed and there is absolutely nothing more you can do but wait. Waiting for "the call" that will get the ball rolling to purchase airline tickets, book hotels and finally give you the opportunity to meet the children you have been praying and preparing for over a very long time is like being in the third trimester of pregnancy and not knowing when labor will begin.  That is exactly where we are in our adoption process and it is a very hard place to be.

We received word that on May 21st -May 25th the boys would be in Manila completing their medicals and visa interviews.  Our family was so excited with this news and, of course, we had to look back at the paperwork from Naomi's and Jacob's adoptions to give us an "idea" of the timeline ahead of us.  In both cases, visa's had been issued within 7 days of their appointments and we received word that we could travel shortly after that.  So, within a month of their medical exams we were in the Philippines meeting our child.  That's it we said!  We will most likely be traveling at the end of June into the beginning of July.  We were so certain of this time frame - our time frame - that we began thinking ( and telling folks) we would probably be traveling during this time. (Rule number 1 in an adoption is NEVER have your own time frame. Rule number 2...once you have a time frame don't share it with many because plans always change with adoptions)! And sure enough, having our own time frame ended up being a bad thing as it is now the end of June and we have yet to receive the call we had anticipated back in May.

 However, this week God gave me a new perspective on the wait as I was reading from Jesus Always.  I read...
    " Instead of trying to force Me to do what you want, when you want it, relax and look for what I am already doing.  Live in a receptive mode - waiting for Me, trusting in My timing. "
I continued reading...
  " My followers often fail to see the many blessings I shower on them.  They're so busy looking for other things that they miss what is before them - or what is on the way.  They forget I am sovereign God and the timing of events is My prerogative." 

At that moment as I was reading those words God changed my heart.  My eyes were opened to something that I hadn't seen before. Up until now, we have made the waiting all about us. When will the call come because WE need to know and WE need to plan.   How much will airfare be?  Will we have enough money to cover the tickets?  What happens if we don't? What about Marshall's job?  Will he be able to take vacation at a moments notice? This is the busy season for him. There are so many unknowns and that makes things difficult and scary.  Yet, God gently reminded me as I was reading those words that the wait isn't just about us. It's also about our boys - even more so. As we wonder when the call will come and try to plan every last detail we are loosing sight of the most important thing.  Everyday we wait for the call God is doing something in our boys heart to prepare them for our family. God knows what they need and exactly when they need it.  For reasons we don't understand, our boys must need a little extra time in the Philippines to prepare to leave everything they have known, come to a new country and join our family. That's a big thing - especially for a young child.  They must need something more. So, everyday we wait for our phone to ring, God is using the time to bring glory to His story and to prepare  our boys (His children ) in ways we may never fully understand.  I was reminded that His timing and His ways are always perfect.  I was given a new perspective; one that has changed my whole way of thinking about this waiting thing.

 I would like to say that the call came as I was writing this post. It did not. There are still so many unknowns at this time and the waiting is still hard.  After all, we are human and are so excited to meet our boys.  We still pray for the call to come soon. However, as we wait for the phone to ring and make a dash towards the caller ID with every phone call, we can rest and trust knowing that God is doing so much in our family and in our boy's lives. One day soon that call will finally come and we will be joined together as a family. What a day that will be!

 "Lord help me keep my eyes on you as we wait for the call."

Lorrie

So you have this...Really?

Why do we not believe Jesus when he tells us he'll give us everything we need?  So often I find myself saying  something like "...well if I don't take care of this, no one else will..." or  " its my responsibility,  I'll get it done..." We've all said things like this.  Self sufficiency....being capable...these are all good things but they are on the razor's edge of our unbelief.

Camping With A Purpose

We are faced with an obstacle and our first instinct is  "....I got this..."  What foolishness.  If we're honest, we have absolutely  -nothing.  You may say  " ....oh that's not true of me...I'm in total control..."  But which of us actually knows whats coming?  Which of you knows what's going to happen tomorrow and how it will affect you and those you love?  You don't have 'it' do you?  Well that's ok - nobody does. Nobody that is except for Jesus.

I'm going to tell you a story to prove to you that when you don't have it - Jesus does.  For those of you that don't know him -stay with me.  For those of you that do maybe you're facing something now and you need a reminder (as I often do).

Those of you who know us know that we're all about adoption.  You know about Naomi who I told just this morning "...our lives would be significantly less without you..."  She was the door through which many blessings came (and still are).  Jacob was the next one through that door.  Perhaps the gentlest soul I've ever met...happy...fearless...victor over death - with Jesus now  (you can read more about him in earlier posts).  

Lorrie and I started thinking we might adopt again in January of 2017. I had just started a new job with a fantastic company.  Great salary, benefits - you name it.  Plenty of income to pay for an adoption...I had this...

So you know one of the things that I love about Jesus most?  He's disruptive...  

In March of that same year my company made some radical (and wise) changes in it's compensation model and moved me to a commission plan. I had never before worked this way and it scared me to death.  Not only that, but since I was now on commission my base salary went down...way down - far enough that we considered holding off on adopting.  We sensed Jesus say ..."Keep going."  Wanting to "have this" I was very tempted to leave that company but it became very clear to me that Jesus intended me to stay and so I did.

Cleaning with A purpose

So here's the picture - we're doing Dave Ramsey (gazelle intense to get out of debt), our pay has been cut in a major way, I have no idea how successful at work I'll be (commission?) and we're adopting and that costs ~$35K.  Still Jesus says "Keep going..."  So we do what we can - after all Jesus told us to "Keep going".  We apply for grants, we set up a go fund me site.  Lorrie cleans houses, we do a fund raiser called 'camping with a purpose' - two weeks last summer living in our trailer so we could rent our home as a vacation rental.

I want you to know Jesus showed up as we kept going. You guys don't have time for me to tell you all the ways he  showed up - but here are a few:  He blessed my work (commission!), he raised up people  to give lavishly  (even a former employer of mine - who does that!?).  Frankly, if you look at our finances from last year - the math "doesn't add up".  But as of now we're mostly funded - we're going to be able to go get the boys.  He Has This.

We never "had this" or anything else for that matter.  He has it all.  When Jesus tells you he's about to do something, the only thing you have to do is believe him and then... it might be good to duck.  

So that's my story.  Jesus has this... this adoption, three little boys in the Philippines that we've never met and this family.... and a plan that He is carrying out - and it's good.  How exciting and life giving of a privilege is ours as we watch 'this' unfold....

You know as I write this I'm realizing that the 'this' we're all so obsessed with having ...is really Jesus - himself.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God

Psalm 20:7

Thankful He has it all,

Marshall

A Day to Remember

One of the best things about having a relationship with Jesus is that he redeems the darkest days in your life.  He makes beauty where there is none and brings tremendous joy in the midst of sorrow and sadness.  March 22, 2014 is the day when our life changed forever.  March 22, 2018 is a day we will never forget. 

Four years ago this morning we received the news no parent ever wants to receive.  The doctors in our mountain town suspected that Jacob had leukemia.  There are some things in life you can remember vividly.  This is one of those things.  I remember where I was when Marshall called from the hospital.  I remember what I was doing that morning and for some reason I can even remember watching the snow start to fall as I was listening to what sounded like muffled words from my husband. To this day, I  remember that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  

As you all know, the "suspected" diagnosis ended up being correct.  Jacob had Acute Myloid Leukemia and ended up spending the rest of 2014 at Children's Hospital up in Aurora, Colorado.  He joined Jesus on January 3, 2015.  

But God's story doesn't end there.  In fact, it gets even better!

             

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."  

Romans 8:28

God's fingerprints have been all over the adoption of three brothers into our family. Fast forward four years...

March 22, 2018... We got word this week that the boys legal documents finally arrived.  We had been told back in January that they were "on their way and we should get them soon."  The word "soon" threw us off because these important documents never came - until now. March 22, 2018 is the day the boys legal documents( I-800) will be sent to our government!  The I-800 approval is the last step in the adoption process and allows for the boys to begin the process of obtaining their visas to come to America!  You can imagine the excitement in this house when we were told about this! 

March 22nd will always be a day we remember vividly and celebrate passionately. It is the day when God tapped us on the shoulder and said, "See, I am making all things new and there is still so much more to come. I take the darkest times in your life and make something good out of them.  I will turn your sadness into joy.  I will make March 22nd a special day for you for years to come. "  Thank you Lord for this day and for all you continue to do through this adoption.  

Please celebrate this day with us and remember that when there appears to be nothing but sadness, God promises something great on the road ahead. As always, we appreciate your continued prayers as we get even closer to bringing our boys home.  What a wonderful day that will be. 

 Yeah, Jacob, I know you are smiling at all of this.  Must be something to have a front row seat.  Love you always son,

 Mom

     

Nearing the End

We wanted to share our great news with you all. Shortly before the new year, we received the call that we had been “matched” with our boys. We decided to keep this news quiet until we received the "official" paperwork from the Philippines. We thought that the paperwork would come within a week or so. We were wrong. Day after day, week after week we waited for the call.  It never came until today! Finally, we got the call we had been waiting for for nearly a month! This call means three brothers now have a forever family of their own AND we have them. This is such great news and a huge step towards the boys coming home.

Now, begins the next step in this adoption journey. The boys official documents will be sent over. We will be filling out the I-800 for each child. This paperwork will go to our government. This document allows the boys to come to America and specifically to our family. After that approval, the boys will be scheduled for their medicals and passports, visas, etc. Once all of those things happen we will get the final call we have been waiting for… the call to travel.

With this great news, also comes the reality that there are still costs involved and funds needing to be raised. We have watched in awe as God has provided just what we have needed to cover the adoption expenses thus far.  His plan has involved many of you. Thank you for giving and for being the hands and the feet of Christ here on earth.  We are so grateful for each and every one of you. 

We are continuing to trust in His provision as there are still funds needed for our travel to the Philippines and back. Airfare, meals and hotel expenses add up quickly. We are estimating that we will need around $7,000.00 to cover our airfare, hotel room, meals while we are traveling and a donation to the boys orphanage. To date you have given approximately $4,000.00 towards these costs. Only $3,000.00 is needed.  Will you prayerfully consider being part of the boys adoption by donating to this last remaining amount?  There is also a great advantage to donating now... Any donation made will be matched dollar to dollar up to $2500.00 thanks to a matching grant from We Care for Orphans administered through LifeSong for Orphans. A donation of $10,$20 or $30 will make a huge difference in three boys life and move us one step closer to having the funds needed to purchase our plane tickets to the Philippines. Information on making a donation can be found by clicking on the link "How you can help" on the right. We cannot wait to tell our boys their adoption story and how so many people loved them enough to help them get home to their family. They will learn that, because of the generosity of so many, they have the opportunity to grow up in a family; and be loved on forever! We can just imagine the look on their face when they hear this news.

Please rejoice with us this weekend as we celebrate what God has done for three brothers today. Thank you also for your continued prayers over our boys as they wait to join our family.  What a wonderful day that will be!

Marshall and Lorrie

There's Joy in Doing Hard Things

Lately, I have been thinking about how much we miss out on simply because we are afraid.  Afraid of the unknown.  Afraid we might fail.  Afraid people will think we have simply lost our mind.  There are so many reasons why we don't step out and do something totally radical.

One of the books we read with our children during the Middle School Years is a book titled  Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris.  Two brothers.  The premise of this book is to encourage young people to step out of their comfort zones and do something they never thought they could do. In other words, do hard things.  Every time I read this book I think of how different my life and our family would be had we not stepped out and did something totally against the "norm". 

As many of you already know, I was mayor of my town from 2012-2016.  I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would or could do something like this.  I stepped WAY out of my comfort zone as I knocked on doors and held up campaign signs on the street corners.  I will tell everyone that I had no idea there was a Robert who had rules we had to follow in our meetings. My time as mayor was definitely something I will never forget.  It stretched me in so many ways.  However, because I stepped out and did something I never thought I could do, I realized just how much I love serving people.  I realized just how much I love being in government and encouraging people to get involved.  I realized I was good at something I never thought I could be good at.  I did something hard.  And, I was blessed because of it.

Our family did something totally radical when we adopted Naomi in 2008.  Neither Marshall nor I had come from an adopted family. We knew no one who had adopted from the states, not to mention internationally.  We were the odd balls out for sure. But, because we followed our hearts and listened to the Lord, we were so very blessed.  Adoption was hard.  Many tears were shed during the process and I began to realize that adopting was so much harder than being pregnant.   Marshall and I learned so much about being parents during that time. And, we were blessed because we did something hard. 

If our family thought we were nuts adopting Naomi, they were in for a much bigger shock when we announced we were adopting Naomi's best friend.  Two international adoptions?  Crazy right?  We followed our heart and relied on the Lord for His provision throughout the process and before we knew it we were back in the Philippines at the same orphanage we had been before bringing our Jacob home.  Life didn't get easy once we were back home. As you know, Jacob ended up being diagnosed with cancer and passed away only two years after he came to our family.  It was hard. Our family was stretched during that time. Tears were shed most days. But the joy that came to us in the midst of the sadness superseded all the hard.  And, because we stepped out and did something totally radical and adopted a little boy who no one else wanted, we are so much "more" today.  Going through something hard and seeing Jesus up close, changes you forever. 

Back in January when we realized that we STILL have so much to give orphan children, our life began to change once more.  Once we saw their pictures and read their story, we knew we had to do the hard thing and adopt these boys.  To be honest,  we have questioned whether or not we are doing the right thing.  We have wondered how in the world can we adopt three at one time?  We have been given "looks" from some as they question our sanity.  "You guys are crazy" is the response most of the time.  But, as we have stepped out in faith,  we have found so much joy in the hard.  We have seen God move mountains to bring these boys home and he has used many of you to fulfill his purpose.  The hard has been so rewarding as we continue to see God's provision in this adoption of three of His children.

Your "hard" might look totally different from mine or my families.  However, whatever your "hard" might be, know that you have a cheerleader cheering you on.  You've got this!  We are living proof that once you get through your hard, it will all be worth it.  

Lorrie 

So you wanted a story....

Recently, Lorrie and I were asked to 'tell our story'.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to do justice to this God story in an email?  You can't.  You just can't.  But as I wrote the email I did manage to create a sort of 'cliff notes' version of our story - from Naomi and Jacob to  Levi, Josiah and Issac. Maybe some of you new readers will be able to put it all together now.  To help you I have embedded links to key parts of the story - that is still being written.

Lorrie and I have been married for 25 years. Since the beginning we have both had a strong desire to share our lives and our Jesus with children and have a house full of love, laughter, and teaching. First Lorrie gave birth to our oldest boy Joshua, then Noah and then Hannah– three altogether. These three brought so much joy it can’t be articulated in this brief write up. But Lorrie’s pregnancies while beautiful were also very difficult for her.

Complete…or so we thought. I’ll never forget the day Lorrie told me …”We’re not done, I don’t think God is telling us we’re done.” Within a year of that conversation we were passionately pursuing the adoption of a little girl in Southern Leyte, Republic of the Philippines. It was such a joy to see her and to watch her get to know her big sister Hannah and brothers Joshua and Noah. Once again…”Complete or so I thought.. The day we met Naomi, we also met a little boy named Jacob.

Naomi came home with us and she brought joy and this new and wild passion for living into our home. But we never forgot about Jacob….and later with Naomi’s enthusiastic blessing we adopted Jacob in 2012. You can read more about that story here.

God did amazing things in our home through these adoptions. He LOVED us through them. Jacob and Naomi reunited…well that was something to see. Their presence here brought so much life and love to us. We camped, climbed and we’ve had adventures all over. And then there was suffering… 

In 2014, Jacob was diagnosed with AML M7 Leukemia. It was devastating news. It was the hardest thing any of us have ever experienced. As his family, we felt powerless. But Jesus never left us. He was THERE with Jacob and us the whole time and his presence was palpable. Funny thing – Jake’s attitude, his heart was the glue that held the staff together on the 7th floor of Children’s Hospital while he was there. Every day Docs, nurses came into his room so they would feel better. Jacob jumped into Jesus’s arms on 2 January 2015 - he left us with a smile...

Our family has been through so much but never alone. As we watched, Naomi’s story, and Jacob’s have touched lives – not just ours. Jesus has been made much of.  So fast forward to January of 2017. Lorrie and I asked ourselves “what tells the best story about who Jesus is in our life?” Is it having been willing to adopt, love with all you have and loose a child? Or is it being willing to do it again? We chose the latter X3. Why? Because that’s exactly what our Jesus would do – its exactly what he did do - show us unmerited favor....

So there it is all we need now is a yellow and black cliff notes jacket...  Better yet watch this:

A Miracle

Do you believe in miracles? We certainly do. Today my family witnessed a miracle. Before I explain, let me back up a bit.

A year ago Marshall and I celebrated our 24th Wedding Anniversary. Over dinner conversation we started talking about what the next season of our life would be like. After all, we are getting older, our kids are growing up and even moving out. Things are changing. Basically, we asked ourselves these questions..." Where do we want to be living? What do we want to be doing? and What brings us the most joy? " You see, neither one of us can imagine being that typical "retired American couple." We both realized at that moment what we wanted these next years to look like. The thing that brings us the most joy in life is family. Specifically, children and adoption. So, that led us to a conversation about the possibility of adopting again - someday. End of conversation for awhile.

Fast forward to January of this year. We were sitting around the campfire asking ourselves the same questions we had asked back in March. This time though we involved our children. We asked our daughters first what they thought about us adopting again. Both of them looked at each other and then replied..." we would love to be big sisters BUT we really don't want anymore girls in the house." After talking with the boys we decided to begin the process of adopting a sibling group of boys. We thought 2 brothers. God brought us 3 brothers...Levi, Josiah and Isaac.

From the beginning we knew that the biggest obstacle to adopting these brothers was going to be the financial cost of the adoption itself. After all, the cost of adopting one child is a lot, three children seemed impossible. However, we took the plunge, stepped out in faith and trusted that the Lord would provide what was needed to complete the adoption of these boys into our family if this was his will for our family. We got the word out and started a GoFund me site. I started cleaning houses and babysitting - all for a donation to the adoption. More and more people found out about our adoption and more and more people donated to help bring our boys home.

God is faithful. He will (and did) provide ALL we need....

Our miracle came today when we received the total amount needed to completely fund God's adoption of these precious boys! Hallelujah! To God be the glory for the great things He has done! You should have seen us celebrating God's provision to our family this afternoon when we realized what He had done. We were definitely a sight to be seen as we were dancing around the kitchen and yelling "thank you Jesus" over and over.

     And this same time God, who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Philippines 4:19

     Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.  Ephesians 3:20

When my faith wavered God was there. When I questioned if we were doing the right thing ( adopting 3! at 50?!)  God listened. When I had doubts that the money wouldn't come in God provided. Do you want to know the greatest thing? He used you to accomplish His will for our family. He did this through your love, your prayers and your giving. Wow! So I will ask you again. Do you believe in miracles? You definitely should because nothing is impossible with God. Thank you Lord!

Rejoice with us tonight.
Lorrie

One last thing....
As we continue moving through the adoption process would you please pray specifically for:
- An expedient turn a round of our I-800A . We found out today that our case has been assigned to an officer to handle. That's great news!
- Protection over the boys while they wait. Pray that God is working on their heart to give them a desire to join our family.
- Funding for our travel and expenses while in the Philippines. We will have 3 people going over and 6 people coming home. We estimate that we will need about 8,000.00. We will be continuing our fundraising efforts for this last step.

For Others....

Lately it seems like many of my friends and people that they love have been experiencing some sort of suffering in their lives.  One prays for a companion for years, and then the companion is diagnosed with Cancer.  Another calls me, feeling helpless as he watched his bride grapple with the fact that her mother and her best friend has cancer.  Another...a colleague at work ...someone both very young and very close to them is also very ill with a life threatening ailment.  And still another, the most selfless man I know just about beats one serious and debilitating episode and then is hit with another serious illness.  And now as I write this, hundreds are dealing with a senseless act of violence in Las Vegas.

Why all of this suffering?

We all have been on the bed of suffering.  Paul told us again and again -its going to happen and for us to endure it. Easier said than done.

I was talking to one of my friends today who is suffering and in a way even worse - watching someone he loves suffer. And then I remembered when I wrote about suffering when Jacob was sick -in a post called "Suffering Reveals Jesus".  I sent him the post and I encouraged him - I told him what I experienced when someone said the word 'cancer' and how it took Lorrie and I about a month to recover from that blow: 'Jacob has Leukemia' and then how Jesus showed up and walked with us.  I also told him what I learned about suffering;  namely that it reveals Jesus to us.

I encouraged him as best I could.  After we hung up - I re-read that post as it still hung in the browser...

"We readily accept the good from God. Why then do we have such a hard time accepting suffering? Me included - I have a hard time with it. Why do we think that any of us will somehow avoid it?
Suffering reveals Jesus - that is why none of us will avoid it. It is, believe it or not -a mercy. It drives us to the King when we are too stubborn to go on our own. It strips me of all of the things that I place between Jesus and me - so its just me and him. It is only then that I am ready to accept the mercies Jesus gives me during the suffering -and I am certain the blessings after suffering. Not just for ourselves but for others."

I was dumbstruck.  "Not just for ourselves but for others."  And now I see it.  I've told you all that we were blessed and we received mercies from Jesus when Jake was sick.  I had given no thought to: "... but for others."  

And yet, here it is... Jesus's story as told through Jacob has come full circle  - for others.  Praise God for others....

Amazed at and in AWE of this Jesus..

Marshall

Why Indeed...An Update for You

Many people ask me 'why' when I tell them we're adopting these boys. Why indeed.  I've thought about that question a lot over the past nine months...why?  I often have to drive to Denver for my job.  I love that drive because it gives me 1.5 hours absolutely alone with  Jesus.  On my last trip I prayed the 'why'....

"Use this Jesus to tell your story.  Don't let this be about Lorrie and I.  Don't let this be about us.  When people see and hear what you are doing Jesus please take the honor, please take the praise, please take what you are worthy of...all of it.  

When people want to say "what a nice family"  let them say instead "what an amazing Savior:"  

When people hear about this and think "how are they possibly going to afford that?" let them remember that you are Jehovah Jireh (the Lord will Provide). 

When people wonder "how can they adopt and love three kids they've never met?" let them remember that you are Jehovah El Roi (The God who sees me).  

This is your story Jesus, we're just blessed enough to be in it.  Proclaim your name, get the glory because you are Worthy and it is your story."

Many of you know how this story started...with Naomi and then Jacob, his life and his victory over death.  When he went home I didn't close his email - I set up and 'out of office' notification instead. Every now and then I send an email to him...just to remember that part of the story. Here is that exchange....

So there you go - that's why.  We're doing it.  

So you probably would like an update.  We're still raising funds.  We have a couple of fundraisers coming up.  First, Lorrie has taken on a bit of child care to raise some money which has been a blessing - we call the young fella Hankus Pankus - he's awesome and it's a blessing to have him here twice a week.  Lorrie has also raised some funds cleaning houses - so if you need help give us a call! Finally we'll be doing a fundraiser at the Swiss Chalet Restaurant in Woodland Park, CO the second Monday in October.  If we pack the house we might just be able to make a pretty good dent in what we need (we'll post that event here and on Lorrie's Facebook once we have more details.  We'd love to see you there for a nice dinner (the place is amazing) and to hear more about adoption and what God is doing in this story.

We Love You All,

Marshall

Back to Brent's

This past weekend we traveled to Denver to support an event called "Kids Cure".  This event benefits Brent's Place - a place born out of the tragedy of loosing a son to cancer that has blessed so may people since it started in 1997.

Our family hung out with some of the bravest people you will ever meet - families who are battling with cancer - some winning, some losing -but all victorious.  We walked the route of the event that was lined with pictures of kids who have stayed or are staying at Brent's as they battle illness that could take their lives.

The first picture we came to was Jacobs - first in line and would you believe it?  He had the CU band playing behind him...Just like Jake to have a band.  I'm just awestruck how Jesus and Jacob probably arranged this - just to see us smile.  And smile we did knowing full well Jacob's fine and we're doing well too.

Jacob with the Band

While there we had the great pleasure of meeting the Eleys - who lost Brent and allowed the Almighty to turn something so awful into something so beautiful.  In my conversation with Donn, I listened as he told me how and why Brent's Place started.  His honesty struck me -he seemed almost surprised that this ministry has become so pivotal in so many families lives.

That's kind of how it works isn't it?  We start out well intentioned to do a 'great work' for God and it fizzles.   But when we just let the King of the Universe use our brokenness, our loss and our complete inability to deal -that is where the great work happens.  And do you know why?  Apart from him there is no 'good' thing - He is the 'good thing'.

My favorite part of my conversation with Donn is when I told him about our story that unfolded behind the walls and in the inner rooms of Brent's Place.  It was so great to be able to tell him how his loss was shaped for good to make our loss more bearable. Mystery -right? But if you think about how God works - if you really look at things - like our Jacob story - like Brent's story you start to get a real picture of who God is and just a wee bit of a glance at is character.  So - here's a shout out to Donn and Linda - You look like Jesus to me.

So adoption update:  We're a little closer to bringing Levi, Josiah and Issac home.  Pray for us - for provision and a straight road home.

Staying Together

We first saw their picture about 5 months ago when we decided to step out of our comfort zone once again and adopt. What struck us the most about these boys was the way they were standing in the picture. They were not separate as you would imagine them to be. They were linked arm in arm. You could tell they were close. There was no way they could be separated. They would have to be adopted together.

Three brothers ages 9, 8 and 7 have spent their entire childhood in an orphanage. Their days are filled with the routine that comes with orphanage living.   These boys have never experienced the love that comes with being part of a family. They haven't been tucked into bed at night or been told good morning when they wake up.  They haven't been hugged on or tickled so much that it hurt.  They haven't been anyone's special. They wait day after day to hear the words "someone is coming for you. You have a family to call your own."

When our family decided to adopt again, we knew a sibling group would be the best fit for our family at this time.  Since Naomi will be graduating in a few years, and heading out on her own, we realized how important it would be for our adopted child to have siblings around.  For this reason, we purposely, searched for a sibling group of boys. ( both of our girls prefer to keep the "sister bond" between them). We thought two. God said three.  When we read the information on these precious brothers and then saw the picture of them linking arms, we knew they were the ones God had chosen for our family.  We found out about them, and we couldn't get them out of our mind. So, here we are....

Stepping out of the familiar.  Saying "yes" to something difficult.  Trusting the Lord all the way.

Will there be hard times? Yes.  Will we question what we are doing? Most likely.  However, we know that this is God's story to be written.  It's just beginning but I know its going to be the BEST story yet.

Lorrie

Levi, Josiah, and Issac

Name. Its the doorway to our identity.  It's how others know us and it's often how we know ourselves. We've noticed something in our adoptions.  When a child is adopted the adoption becomes a rebirth of sorts in their lives.  Old things like the orphanage, wishing you had a family, feeling unloved and not connected...these things pass away.  What remains is a new person who is loved and who belongs.  We have watched this deep transformation twice.  First with Naomi who was called 'Mitzi' when we adopted her.  And then with Jacob...

I will never forget when we were united with him at the orphanage.  And that moment we were driving away with him with the RSCC fading fast in the rear view mirror...  "What did you call me when you were working on adopting me?"  "Jacob." His mother replied.  And then it happened ..."Call me Jacob."  There it was... a transformation from the old order of things to new.  He never referred to himself as Razel again.

Jacob, Naomi, Hannah, Josh and Noah in the car leaving the word Orphan behind

When you adopt from the Philippines you are not allowed to share names or pictures of the children you hope to adopt.  So we can't share their 'real names' with you.  We can only tell you that they are nine, eight and seven years old.  Brothers.  We have a picture of them and what we love most is that you can see these brothers are tight.  They are close.  Three boys with jet black hair, dark brown eyes and hopeful smiles.  They want a family and they know that this picture they are posing for is the first step in an uncertain and hopeful journey to find home.  The oldest, protective and kind, stands next to his younger brothers who are arm in arm, smiling and hopeful.  Then you look down...the oldest is holding the youngest's hand.  "It's ok" I think he's saying...  I love this picture.

So we have named them and can't wait to tell you about them. First there is Levi, the oldest.  Levi means to join' or 'to be joined' in Hebrew.  We can't wait until he is joined with us.  Second there is Josiah which means 'healed by Jehovah' or Jehovah will support.  We are looking forward to the day that they are healed and supported by a family and more importantly by the High King himself.  The third is Issac. Issac means 'laughter' or 'he laughs'.  There will be the laughter and love of a family.

Its coming.  We're coming.  We thank God and we're happy because soon...another rebirth - another three to be exact.

Marshall and Lorrie

So for those of you who have guessed....

Story.  Its how we tell someone about our lives.   We're all caught up in a story - an Epic as I mentioned in my last post.  Jesus is writing and we're in it.

Here is the next chapter...A few months ago, Lorrie and I both began to feel a familiar  tug on our hearts - a familiar voice..."Your story, the one I'm telling did not end with Jacob.  There's more... I want you to adopt again".

"Seriously God?"  "Yep".

Lorrie tells me... "I'm thinking a sibling group".  I'm a little stunned..."uhhh really?"  She's convinced. So we agree two more..."yeah sure we can do that.."  So we go to our adoption agency and tell them we're adopting again.  That call started the flow of dossiers (think stories) of sibling groups needing adoption from the Philippines. We reviewed each one but it was like Jesus was over our shoulder..."keep looking".

In a few weeks I was called away on business to Utah.  Now I rarely get on airplane wifi, but this time for some reason I did.  There in my inbox was another dossier for me to look at.  Unknown to me at the time Lorrie was also looking at it.  Three boys...Lorrie fell in love with them but also said to herself - "Marshall will never go for three" .  Here I am at 30,000 feet and I read their story... the oldest wants to be a priest to tell people about Jesus, the middle boy wants to be a teacher and the youngest - he's afraid of what God will do to him for "messing up".  Instantly I said to myself..."someone needs to teach him about grace"...Jesus said "I want you to".

Boom.  Done.  We're adopting 3 boys - Nine, Eight and Seven years old.  We want you to go with us as we go...

So the story, our story....its not over.  Like I said last time we believe our story is an Epic. It is an Epic written by Jesus.

More to Come!

Marshall and Lorrie

God sets the lonely in families,he leads out the prisoners with singing

Psalm 68:6

Epic: From a cardboard box to our own stories

Epic.  John Eldredge relates our life stories to an epic.  Most people privately think of their lives as well...not much.  "I'm not that important" or "...nothing special".

Why do we insist on thinking that only Homer or Odysseus, or Cortez, or Lewis and Clark are the only ones that have an epic journey an...epic story?  Its because we've bought into the lie that "we're nothing special" and living an epic, well that's for someone else - not you.

RSCC Going After Naomi

I woke up to this lie thanks to the epic Jacob story I lived. Jacob's life here on earth was truly epic. Here is a part of the story you have not heard - even I have not but it is what I believe to be true...

Rain clears the air on Leyte. And for awhile, it replaces the smell of a city with the smell of flowers only found in the tropics. The rain just ended and the humidity was as usual – overwhelming. As the vapor hung lazily over the road in the pre-dawn darkness, inside the orphanage the children slept, about 12 to a room. It was May 20th, 2000.

The orphanage was a walled and gated compound of about 10 buildings with controlled access to keep the occupants safe. A nursery and a kitchen, classrooms, offices and sleeping rooms formed the nucleus of the Reception and Study Center for Children or the RSCC as it was called by its occupants. A guard was always at the gate. Kind and always smiling, the guards watched over the RSCC, making the rounds and taking the time to talk to the children – like protective big brothers. The rain on this night kept the guard inside the guard post attempting to stay dry as best he could. A break in the rain offered an opportunity to once again walk his post.

As the guard leaves the gate for his last walk around the complex, a young lady approaches the gate with a small cardboard box. She winces in pain as she kneels gently, placing the box next to the gate unnoticed by the guard. She is young – barely in her teens but the pain in her heart at this moment amounts to the weight carried by an old soul - a person torn and with few options. She places her hand gently into the box as tears roll down her cheek. Her thoughts are well…those of a mother giving up the most precious gift she’d ever been given – a son. Startled by the guards return she flees.

And so Jacob entered this life. He was given the name Razael Sagrada by those that cared for him. He had nobody and yet from the time he was found at the gate – he had everyone. He became one of about one hundred orphans in the RSCC but at the same time he always stood out. Before he could roll over on his own in the small white crib in which he was placed he captivated his care givers. The last name they gave this ‘John Doe’ said it all – Sagrada which means holy. They knew this baby was somehow different, they also knew from experience that the orphans they cared for were not cast-offs, but beautiful. And this boy? Well they knew that there were plans for this boy –and they were right.

Jacob on a 5:7 

You know the rest of the story..."Naomi's best friend. I like America take me with you".  Jacob boldly proclaimed his identity and his epic.  He lived with us and we can testify that he lived big - even in incredible suffering all the way to his real life - with Jesus. What is even better is that our family discovered our epic when his epic life entwined with ours.  I now know that my life... is also an epic story. 

There's nothing safe about it.  There's risk when you follow Jesus and yes suffering. But have you ever heard of an epic story without peril?  Without suffering or loss?  No such thing.  Its overcoming those things that make the story an epic in the first place.  

We have an enemy that whispers to us "...just get through it, this is all there is, find what pleasure you can and then well - its over - Nothing special..." You ever hear that voice?  I do.  When you do you have a choice - believe him and go be a battery in the enemy's web of lies - like in the matrix or.... 

Step into the truth of Jesus and look your enemy in the eye and call him what he is - Liar!  Thief!  Be bold and tell him "This is MY story - given to me my Jesus himself - You shall not pass!"

We overcame...by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.  Jesus proclaimed, chapters of our stories written into an epic that is not over for us.  Family, adoption, great love, great sadness, suffering, uncertainty, overcoming, following Jesus into our story - its ours! And its no where near over.

You'll be hearing from us soon....

Marshall and Lorrie