Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Naomi's Memory

Sometimes what is considered a "thorn" in your life can become something beautiful.  When we lost Jacob we never imagined that almost 5 years later we would be given a beautiful gift from our daughter Naomi.

This week Naomi was given an assignment in her Literature Class.  The assignment was to write a paper based on a memory she had with a friend.  When she was finished writing her paper she shared it with me.  Tears of joy flowed as I read about this sweet memory she has with her brother.  I asked her if she would mind sharing it on our blog since we all have things in our life that are considered thorns but will one day be made beautiful.  She agreed to share this with you to encourage you.

A Time Capsule
        There I was, finally able to go to my brother’s room and spend the night with him. Since he had been diagnosed with cancer in March he had been staying up at Children’s Hospital in Denver. The hospital did not allow me to visit him because I was underage. I had to be 13 years old to visit him in his room. Months went by before I could see him.. Finally, in December I turned 13 and was able to see Jacob again. Mom and I went up to his floor, but before we could go into his room, we had to wash our hands for two minutes. Then, and only then , were we allowed to enter the seventh floor. We went into his room and there he was, on the hospital bed playing video games. I immediately went up to him and hugged him. We were both exuberant to see each other again. I sat down on a chair while he went back to his bed and paused the game. He and I instantly started catching up with each other. We were both in a daze that we are hanging out with each other again, just like old times. Mom, seeing this unraveling, Jacob and I together, best friends from the orphanage, and then becoming a brother, and a sister with the same last name. She left the room to go get something and Jacob and I started playing Minecraft in survival mode. We were surviving in Minecraft, then suddenly, out of nowhere, we burst out laughing. I do not remember what was funny. Perhaps it was because I was  still trying to figure out the controls or Jacob glitching in the game while making funny noises. It was so fun being with him again. We eventually got a hold of ourselves and started a new game. His favorite. We played the game Portals.  It is a robot puzzle game. All the robots have portal guns. There were two characters in the game, I was P-Body, a robot that was shaped like an egg. Jacob was Atlas, a robot that was shaped like a circle. In the game, we had to work together to open up doors by using our portal guns. We both became experts at the game. We noticed the robots walking funny. We started laughing uncontrollably because it was hilarious watching them.  We would move our robots in circles again and again because of how funny the robots looked. It was almost time for bedtime and quiet but he and I could not stop laughing out loud. Mom came into the room and saw us dying of laughter from simply watching the robots walk.  We then stopped for a few seconds, looked at each other, then looked at the screen, and then we laughed again; but this time more tears of joy, and more abb pains from all the laughter. Mom had a lost face at first and then an understanding face. She knew how valuable that time was with him.  And I know how priceless the laughter was with him and how influential the short time I had with him on this earth was. 

Oh, the sweet memories we have with Jacob.  They are special gifts given to us by the One who loves us and has turned our thorns into something so very beautiful.   Our sorrow has been replaced by joy.




Monday, August 5, 2019

His Thing

Silence. I've been quiet for almost a year now. It is very, very hard for me to write about this - but it is time....time for me to tell you how I "got what I asked for".  Do you remember when (in the last post) I realized that I got what I asked for in pursuing these beautiful boys?

I'll remind you of what I asked for...

"Use this Jesus to tell your story. Don't let this be about Lorrie and I. Don't let this be about us. When people see and hear what you are doing Jesus please take the honor, please take the praise, please take what you are worthy of...all of it."

On that day two years ago, I asked Jesus with all of my heart to let the 'adoption' be about him. Last September it became clear to me that he answered that prayer he...gave me what I asked for. Namely an opportunity to make this all about Jesus.  Naively, I thought I knew what that meant. I thought it meant for Lorrie and I to be with Levi, Josiah and Issac - to be their parents.  I assumed this to be the truth.  I assumed....


How do we assume to know the mind of the Almighty? Makes perfect sense now after 7 months of wondering why...why they are no longer here.  We can't assume to know anything about His purposes - save one thing.. they are good.  They are to prosper us, give us a hope and a future  (Jer 29:11).  I assumed way more than that.  I knew what I was after...giving a family to these boys, love they never had, emptying the orphanage and all that. Those things while good - those were my things.  

As you have probably surmised by now they are no longer ours...You have to understand....these boys needed and still do - much more than 'my things'. The wounds we could not see, the impact of living in fear, being abused and yes abusing others all took their toll.  I'm a Veteran.  I have seen the impacts of war on my brothers...and I have seen the same thing in these dear ones - and more.  Biological brothers...who teaches us how to be a brother or a sister? They had no mother or father to teach them...the word brother had no significance to them.  Family... they never saw one, pretty hard to know what 'adoption' is if you're them. My things....

His Boys
My things were not what they needed. Humbling. But then I think back to  His things... Jesus steamrolled a path to ...yes, rescue.  His thing.  Jesus arranged for the financing of the whole effort to... empty the orphanage. His thing.  Jesus mobilized hundreds of you to pray for us, to give to get them out of there....His thing. And though it has wounded us deeply (See Prov 27:6) Jesus chose Lorrie and I to spearhead the rescue....His Thing.  We had a role to play, he told us 'go' and we stepped out...His thing.

I often think of this loss as 'worse' than our 'loosing' Jacob.  But if you believe what Jesus said neither Jacob or these boys are lost.  They were never ours to loose.  They belong to the one who said "no one can pluck you from my hand" - just as I am, just as you are.  We are all... His Thing. 

So the boys are still here in America.  They have been placed with another family.  It will be a long road for them and the family.  Pray for all of them...for revelation, for healing, for light to invade dark places, for wisdom and discernment to carry the parents....for freedom.  I also want to take a moment to thank those closest to us who walked with us during all of this... you know who you are but you have no idea of how deeply you have ministered to us...His thing.

Letting go of my things....

Marshall