We were in Brent's Place. Debbie and the girls where in one room, Noah, Cliff and CJ slept in the living room. All were stirring by the time I left the little bedroom I had collapsed in a few hours before. We all knew what the call had to mean.
No one slept well that night as each of us wrestled with our own thoughts about what the next day would bring. The emotions ranged from anger to incredible sadness. My daughter Hannah was struggling with guilt, blaming herself for the cold that had ravaged our family and kept us away - I hate the enemy for this lie he told her - nonsense and we went to war to free her from that lie. Thankfully she is free of that now. Hannah was also particularly angry at God. The same questions I am sure that I asked myself so many times before: "why this suffering?" ... "why him?" She just wanted to see him smile again - she asked God for that.
Noah was resigned and incredibly sad. After all, Jacob had posed the idea of being brothers to him first - the day we first met him in Taclobon. Noah knew he had a new brother way before Lorrie and I knew we were going to have another son. He too was angry at God and just did not understand..."why Jacob? why are you taking him?"
Naomi thought about Jacob as she laid down. Her oldest and dearest friend. Jacob was a tie to her history - her person. They grew up in the orphanage together and had been best friends since....well forever. Deep water. She smiled as she remembered playing with her pal. The big hill by our house...a re-purposed mountain board. A pilot -Jacob and a power plant -Naomi. A hill that made Mom and Dad cringe as they rocketed down. Before the hospital...before leukemia Jacob had often told her how cool it would be to see Jesus - to be in heaven and they often talked about what they would do together there. Now it was real...Jacob was about to see a place they often talked about and more importantly see Jesus.
Jacob's best friend CJ was very sad. When he first met Jacob he was not too sure about this blasting cap from the Philippines. But Jacob grabbed onto him and he discovered that he loved his time with him - they had become fast friends. I'm sure CJ remembered all the times he and Jake played video games and raced RC cars in the hallway of 7E. It was all about to be over now...memories were going to replace companionship and CJ hated that.
That evening our warrior allies Cliff and Debbie did what they could to listen to our children and offer the Lord's comfort to them. Debbie tenderly talked to our youngest Naomi about loosing Jacob and that it was nothing to be afraid of - He'd be with Jesus and that is what we all want - no more suffering, no more stinky grey pills - only life as it was meant to be when Jesus "meant" Jacob. Cliff went to war to free Hannah from this feeling of guilt the enemy was trying to get Hannah to buy into. Scripture says the war is fierce in the heavenlies - this war for all men's souls. I believe Cliff is a warrior with a reputation - we love this Man and his bride Lorielle - who wars for Hannah to this day.
A second call. "Marshall, don't rush...he's gone". "You're the winner Lorrie." "I know" she said. I love you. " We'll come soon Lorrie - are you ok?" "I am...at peace. I'm ok Marshall". I stood there for a moment as I listened to everyone getting ready to go. I then walked into the living room where everyone was gathering and asked everyone to sit down on the floor with me.
As we sat on the floor in the pre-dawn darkness, I broke the news to my children, CJ, Cliff and Debbie. Jacob was with Jesus. He won. Quiet tears. And then I saw something - I saw Jacob jump into the arms of Jesus - I saw it. Jesus let me see that. I told everyone. Prayer. Each of us prayed on that floor. We thanked God for Jacob, for his life for the fact that we got to be his family. We thanked God for each other.
We finished dressing and headed back to Children's. No one really spoke as we approached the elevator for the ride to the 7th floor. Once again we all washed our hands per the procedure and entered the BMT unit where Jacob's room was. I thought it best for the kids, Debbie and Cliff to wait in the conference room while I checked in with Lorrie...and to see my boy.
I left them and went to room 758 -to Lorrie and Jacob. As I entered the room I noticed the new dawn light mingling with the glow of the colored Christmas lights that still hung above Jacob's bed. Worship music was playing softly. I saw Lorrie - she was smiling and at peace -once again treasuring up these things in her heart. And then I saw Jacob. He was smiling - I threw my hat across the room and shouted - a victory shout. "Look at that!" Lorrie was probably wondering if I had finally lost it..."look at what?" " Lorrie...he is smiling. He saw Jesus". "Oh my...I didn't notice...he is." " He's ok now Lorrie - he won - you won! I love you so much - he had the best Mom -you."
In the conference room Hannah was gripped by a deep and brooding sadness - deeper and different from the others. I came to get them - "Noah, Naomi, Hannah do you want to come see him?" Noah and Naomi got up and headed to the room. Hannah was sobbing.."no...I can't". "Hannah. Hannah." "I just can't Dad" "Hannah." "What?" "Hannah he is smiling". Hannah looked up at me and then walked past me to the room. I briefly told Cliff and Debbie what I had seen and then joined my family in the room. Now Hannah smiled. God had answered her prayer - one more smile.
We sat with Jacob for the morning. We worshiped. We were at peace. We made a point to comfort all who worked so hard to save and to serve Jacob. "You knew him, you loved him...you are welcome here." And so that morning the staff said goodbye to Jacob. I will never forget seeing three of the housekeeping staff huddling quietly and tearfully in a closet two doors down. I walked in - "are you ok?" "We are so sorry about Jacob". I told them it was ok. "He was your friend too...please if you need to...come see him." And they did.
That boy...his life...his impact...it was global. Jacob's story has been heard all over the world. The name of Jesus was proclaimed loudly. I personally think that Jesus used Jacob to hand the enemy a part of his own backside - I love that thought. Abandoned in a box, named "Holy" (Sagrada). Adopted, Loved and yes lost -but not really. We miss him - but we all know we'll see him again - soon. Cliff asked me that morning "what are you feeling now?" I remembered the scene from Saving Private Ryan when they had finally taken the high ground above the beach and sat there exhausted, staring over the carnage on Omaha Beach and out to the invasion fleet. "It's quite a view" . Through Jesus Jacob took the high ground we were with him. We won.
We Love You All.
The Wortheys
There really are no words. Thank you for posting this. You all are such an inspiration to me.
ReplyDeletePost Note: I wanted to make sure I got CJ and his thoughts during this time right. So I asked Cliff.
ReplyDeleteJacob wound up in the ICU several times during his Cancer. On one of those times he dreamed that he saw Jesus..."and then I woke up" he told me. CJ always remembered this story.
The morning Jacob left us CJ saw something too. He recalled the dream that Jacob had earlier but this time he got to see his friend enter heaven - he finished Jacob's dream.
Glad I asked Cliff - that's too great to leave out of the story.