2015 for me was the hardest year I have ever lived. Dealing with the loss of Jacob left more than a mark on me - it changed me. I was for most of the year - not me. My kids noticed. My bride - she noticed. At first the change seemed to be not a good one. I was dulled - reduced to just getting through the day - trying to 'be normal'.
It was not until I wrote the last 2 posts before this one in January that I began to gain life again. Writing those two posts allowed me to take the bandages off of the wounds I suffered in the Jacob battle - revealing the scars that will always be with me as a reminder of the intensity of that battle.
Notice I did not say I become 'myself' again -because I will never be that guy again. I'm more now. There is a richness to my life that could have never been without that time with Jacob. I wrote once that "Suffering Reveals Jesus" - I was partially right. It does for sure reveal Jesus but I am discovering it does more over time. It deepens your reservoir - increasing the depth and providing more water that I think Jesus wants us to share with others out of the overflow. Suffering left me with a richness in my life that would have been unattainable in any other way.
Think about that...great loss, great sadness, suffering, anger, wounding... gives way to....Healing, Deepening, Overflow that I think will be used to bless others. Our story is not - loosing Jacob... It is gaining more of Jesus.
Even in the suffering we have a Good Father