Walking out of the crawlspace

I wanted to write a brief update.  So as I said in my last post it's been hard the last couple of weeks.  A big part of this has been the fact that since Jacob got out of the ICU he has not been himself.

You have to understand before the infection Jacob was light on the 7th floor -people who came into visit left...well, feeling better.  Well for the past week this has not been the case.  Jacob came back to his room -changed.  Sad I guess is the best word.  It was not simply speaking - him.

So last night we had a talk.  I asked Jake to tell me what it was that he was feeling since that terrible time in the ICU.  Two words:  sad and...mad.  So we dug deeper.  "Jacob - what is making you sad?"  He replied:  "I'm sad I feel bad"  and  "I'm sad that I can't be with my family."  I listened then I  asked "Jacob why are you mad?"  To which Jacob said "I'm mad that I have Leukemia."  and "I'm mad that I'm in the Hospital."  Clarity.  Honesty.  A weight lifted. I was able to answer:  "You know, we are all mad and we are all sad.  We are missing you too.  We are mad that you're not home with us - that you are stuck in here. We miss you."

I went on. "Jacob you have every right to be both mad and sad - but mad and sad are only two very, very small parts of your life.  Your life is bigger than mad and sad."  I went on to explain to him that if he lived out of those two very small parts of his life - it would be like having a big house and choosing to live in the crawl space like our cat does.  I'm sure the Lord was giving me the words - because he got it.

Today Jacob chose to live his life and turn away from mad and sad.  He chose to turn his light on again and not live in the crawlspace.  And the staff here - they noticed. (Jacob does not yet fully realize that his light is needed on the 7th floor) We all have those you know - our crawlspaces.  We hide in work, in business, in what we feel people value us in or for or the other lesser things in life to deal with things. We all (me included) do that.  But today I watched a young man choose to live out of the most important thing in the world - the life that the Lord gave him.

Getting that out, verbalizing the fact that this...well -sucks was so huge.  It freed him. Today was a 180.  A good 180.  I think that the light is back on.   Answered prayer for sure.