Naomi's Memory

Sometimes what is considered a "thorn" in your life can become something beautiful.  When we lost Jacob we never imagined that almost 5 years later we would be given a beautiful gift from our daughter Naomi.

This week Naomi was given an assignment in her Literature Class.  The assignment was to write a paper based on a memory she had with a friend.  When she was finished writing her paper she shared it with me.  Tears of joy flowed as I read about this sweet memory she has with her brother.  I asked her if she would mind sharing it on our blog since we all have things in our life that are considered thorns but will one day be made beautiful.  She agreed to share this with you to encourage you.

A Time Capsule

        There I was, finally able to go to my brother’s room and spend the night with him. Since he had been diagnosed with cancer in March he had been staying up at Children’s Hospital in Denver. The hospital did not allow me to visit him because I was underage. I had to be 13 years old to visit him in his room. Months went by before I could see him.. Finally, in December I turned 13 and was able to see Jacob again. Mom and I went up to his floor, but before we could go into his room, we had to wash our hands for two minutes. Then, and only then , were we allowed to enter the seventh floor. We went into his room and there he was, on the hospital bed playing video games. I immediately went up to him and hugged him. We were both exuberant to see each other again. I sat down on a chair while he went back to his bed and paused the game. He and I instantly started catching up with each other. We were both in a daze that we are hanging out with each other again, just like old times. Mom, seeing this unraveling, Jacob and I together, best friends from the orphanage, and then becoming a brother, and a sister with the same last name. She left the room to go get something and Jacob and I started playing Minecraft in survival mode. We were surviving in Minecraft, then suddenly, out of nowhere, we burst out laughing. I do not remember what was funny. Perhaps it was because I was  still trying to figure out the controls or Jacob glitching in the game while making funny noises. It was so fun being with him again. We eventually got a hold of ourselves and started a new game. His favorite. We played the game Portals.  It is a robot puzzle game. All the robots have portal guns. There were two characters in the game, I was P-Body, a robot that was shaped like an egg. Jacob was Atlas, a robot that was shaped like a circle. In the game, we had to work together to open up doors by using our portal guns. We both became experts at the game. We noticed the robots walking funny. We started laughing uncontrollably because it was hilarious watching them.  We would move our robots in circles again and again because of how funny the robots looked. It was almost time for bedtime and quiet but he and I could not stop laughing out loud. Mom came into the room and saw us dying of laughter from simply watching the robots walk.  We then stopped for a few seconds, looked at each other, then looked at the screen, and then we laughed again; but this time more tears of joy, and more abb pains from all the laughter. Mom had a lost face at first and then an understanding face. She knew how valuable that time was with him.  And I know how priceless the laughter was with him and how influential the short time I had with him on this earth was. 

Oh, the sweet memories we have with Jacob.  They are special gifts given to us by the One who loves us and has turned our thorns into something so very beautiful.   Our sorrow has been replaced by joy.

His Thing

Silence. I've been quiet for almost a year now. It is very, very hard for me to write about this - but it is time....time for me to tell you how I "got what I asked for".  Do you remember when (in the last post) I realized that I got what I asked for in pursuing these beautiful boys?

I'll remind you of what I asked for...

"Use this Jesus to tell your story. Don't let this be about Lorrie and I. Don't let this be about us. When people see and hear what you are doing Jesus please take the honor, please take the praise, please take what you are worthy of...all of it."

On that day two years ago, I asked Jesus with all of my heart to let the 'adoption' be about him. Last September it became clear to me that he answered that prayer he...gave me what I asked for. Namely an opportunity to make this all about Jesus.  Naively, I thought I knew what that meant. I thought it meant for Lorrie and I to be with Levi, Josiah and Issac - to be their parents.  I assumed this to be the truth.  I assumed....

How do we assume to know the mind of the Almighty? Makes perfect sense now after 7 months of wondering why...why they are no longer here.  We can't assume to know anything about His purposes - save one thing.. they are good.  They are to prosper us, give us a hope and a future  (Jer 29:11).  I assumed way more than that.  I knew what I was after...giving a family to these boys, love they never had, emptying the orphanage and all that. Those things while good - those were my things.  

As you have probably surmised by now they are no longer ours...You have to understand....these boys needed and still do - much more than 'my things'. The wounds we could not see, the impact of living in fear, being abused and yes abusing others all took their toll.  I'm a Veteran.  I have seen the impacts of war on my brothers...and I have seen the same thing in these dear ones - and more.  Biological brothers...who teaches us how to be a brother or a sister? They had no mother or father to teach them...the word brother had no significance to them.  Family... they never saw one, pretty hard to know what 'adoption' is if you're them. My things....

His Boys

My things were not what they needed. Humbling. But then I think back to  His things... Jesus steamrolled a path to ...yes, rescue.  His thing.  Jesus arranged for the financing of the whole effort to... empty the orphanage. His thing.  Jesus mobilized hundreds of you to pray for us, to give to get them out of there....His thing. And though it has wounded us deeply (See Prov 27:6) Jesus chose Lorrie and I to spearhead the rescue....His Thing.  We had a role to play, he told us 'go' and we stepped out...His thing.

I often think of this loss as 'worse' than our 'loosing' Jacob.  But if you believe what Jesus said neither Jacob or these boys are lost.  They were never ours to loose.  They belong to the one who said "no one can pluck you from my hand" - just as I am, just as you are.  We are all... His Thing. 

So the boys are still here in America.  They have been placed with another family.  It will be a long road for them and the family.  Pray for all of them...for revelation, for healing, for light to invade dark places, for wisdom and discernment to carry the parents....for freedom.  I also want to take a moment to thank those closest to us who walked with us during all of this... you know who you are but you have no idea of how deeply you have ministered to us...His thing.

Letting go of my things....

Marshall

Exactly What I Asked For...

It's been 60 days since Levi, Josiah and Isaac came home. Full of energy, exploring everything new.  Levi, Josiah and Isaac are tight.  They love legos and 4 wheeling. They love having brothers and sisters and swimming - well that is the holy grail.

Naomi Giving a Nature Talk on Beavers to the Boys

But - I want you to know that frankly, we had no idea....no idea of how hard this would be.  Eight years in an orphanage...eight years without a Mother to sing to them or a Father to scoop them up. Eight years of being taken care of - certainly - but connected, having the opportunity to form those deep connections with Mom, Dad, Sister and Brother.  No.

There is so much work - catch up really that needs to be done.  English for starters.  If 100% is the measure they are at 2%.  Emotions - how do we express emotions like anger or fear in a family?  - They had no clue (that's much better now by the way).  How do I convey to them how much God loves them - how much I love them?  How do we get them to open up their bond with each other to us - to a family? For the first time in my life I understand I am not capable.

I lack everything these boys need. I do.  I don't have the patience.  I don't the compassion.  I don't have the patience (did I say that already?).  I certainly don't have the Tagalog skills. I don't have enough ...of anything to do this.  I might as well be facing down my fierce enemy with a plastic fork. I am beside myself, frustrated and cry out "Lord I am so angry at his resistance to speak English! How am I supposed to do this!"

And...this is all a blessing. It has driven me to my knees where I have become absolutely destitute.  Each morning I find myself with Jesus -I wish I could say out of my devotion - but no.  It is out of my absolute poverty that I show up. Usually out of gas, exhausted and often discouraged.  I know if I don't show up - I'm done. That is why I go to him.

"You called us to this, this is your doing Jesus - if you don't show up we're going to fail...we have nothing to offer. - we will fail. But this is your story and you do not fail."  And then today I remembered.. on September 6th of last year I prayed this prayer (see post):
              

"Use this Jesus to tell your story. Don't let this be about Lorrie and I. Don't let this be about us. When people see and hear what you are doing Jesus please take the honor, please take the praise, please take what you are worthy of...all of it.

When people want to say "what a nice family" let them say instead "what an amazing Savior."

When people hear about this and think "how are they possibly going to afford that?" let them remember that you are Jehovah Jireh (the Lord will Provide).

When people wonder "how can they adopt and love three kids they've never met?" let them remember that you are Jehovah El Roi (The God who sees me).

This is your story Jesus, we're just blessed enough to be in it. Proclaim your name, get the glory because you are Worthy and it is your story."

Jesus has and is still answering this prayer.  I realize now that for him to get the glory, I have to become nothing - exactly what I asked for.   I have finally learned what it means to become nothing so that Christ can become everything. It has taken the biggest challenge of my life to get me past the point of saying it to doing it - becoming nothing. And I have never seen him more clearly.

He has been and will always be enough.  All things are "Yes" in him.  Yes, these boys have a family and it is and will be good.  Yes, they have a Mom and a Dad and those bonds will strengthen. Yes, they have a home and they will grow to be men and remember it fondly.  And above all, Yes, there is a Savior who loves them...  and they will one day know Him.

Lucky to be in the Story He's Telling.

Marshall

Mabuhay

We'll we're here.  Yesterday we flew from Colorado Springs to Dallas.  From Dallas over Nome AK, across the Bering Sea, over the Kamchatka peninsula, down the length of Japan, across the China Sea to  Hong Kong.  After four hours in Hong Kong we flew onto  Manila.  After landing, customs and baggage claim we arrived at our hotel Sound long? Yes it was.

After arriving I have to say we were...well... EXHAUSTED.   We awoke today to Manila.  If you've not been here there's no way for us to explain to you.  So I'll give you  an idea....think sleeping very soundly in a sound proof room, waking up and stepping outside through a door into a beehive made of humans - with motorcycles, tricycles, jeepneys all honking their horns in a friendly "excuse me Sir" .  This city is like kicking over the largest ant hill you've ever seen.

ICAB just called us.  "The boys are soo excited - they keep asking "when will they come?"  Tomorrow the waiting ends.  Praise God the waiting ends.

More Later

The Wortheys

And so...we're off.

Unbelievable and  yet it is our reality.... We're going.

The last few days at least for me have been kind of bewildering....A rush of final preparation, packing and arranging.  Really to the point of too busy,  Too busy to remember and think about the shear size of what God himself is doing. 

Naomi wrote the names of my children on my ankle yesterday...

It's starting to hit me - the magnitude of what God is doing...not only are we adding three beautiful boys to our family....I will baptize my daughter in the Philippines (per her request).  I will explain to her and to the boys what this means.

Before you say "what a great guy" -I have to confess to you that I can't follow the  Lord.  I am a continuous mess up from a religious perspective. I can be shall we say.."rough around the edges...and worse".  But thank God - Jesus himself is not religious...and his atonement paid my bill.   He knows I don't "have this" (or anything else).  I have no place else to go but to the cross... I have to remember that the atonement is really...finished.  I have to remember that Jesus will use me/us not because of me but in spite of me. So no - I'm not worthy -but He is...

This morning I tried to slow down a bit and I opened up my favorite - Oswald Chamber's "My Utmost for His Highest.  As usual - Oswald nailed the whole thing...

Have you the slightest reliance on anything other than God? Is there a remnant of reliance left on any natural virtue, any set of circumstances? Are you relying on yourself in any particular in this new proposition which God has put before you? That is what the probing means. It is quite true to say — “I cannot live a holy life”; but you can decide to let Jesus Christ make you holy. “Ye cannot serve the Lord God” — but you can put yourself in the place where God’s Almighty power will come through you. Are you sufficiently right with God to expect Him to manifest His wonderful life in you?

“Nay, but we will serve the Lord.” It is not an impulse, but a deliberate commitment. You say — “But God can never have called me to this, I am too unworthy, it can’t mean me.” It does mean you, and the weaker and feebler you are, the better. The one who has something to trust in is the last one to come anywhere near saying — “I will serve the Lord.”

We say — “If I really could believe!” The point is — If I really will believe. No wonder Jesus Christ lays such emphasis on the sin of unbelief. “And He did not many mighty works there because of their unbelief.” If we really believed that God meant what He said — what should we be like! Dare I really let God be to me all that He says He will be?  -My Utmost for His Highest, 9 July

I'm going to choose today to really believe - He is all he says he is to me....and more.

We'll keep you posted - we are to add Levi, Josiah and Isaac to our family this Friday  

Marshall

Sinner, Saved by Grace, Acquitted and in His Service

And ....BANG! It happened...

This past Wednesday night Lorrie and I were dejected. "My goodness, why is it taking so long?" we both wondered.  The boys had gone to their Visa appointment at our embassy in Manila - check.  They had their medical exams...check.  What on earth could be the holdup?

Resigned to another day of no news the conversation shifted to "...well I guess we could go camping this weekend..."  Fun, but not where our hearts are.  Then we drifted off to sleep.

RING! Dazed from a hard sleep I squinted at the caller ID - "crap I hate that being 50 something comes with poor eyesight too..."  Hello?  "Marshall and Lorrie?  This is Hand in Hand....You're approved for travel!"  Maybe you heard the whoop from Green Mountain Falls Thursday morning or maybe you didn't.  But rest assured our neighbors did.  That morning was first well..shock.  As in "this is really happening..." and " uhhh..what do we do first?.."  What a great problem to have!

Friends this is happening....

Jacob's Adoption - Made Final

It's happening because  Jesus is telling a story here and you like us are characters in the story.  Whether you have given financially or if you been on your knees for us - you're in the story.  Even if you're a spectator - you are in the story.  This is not about us - this is about God "placing the lonely in families" and whether  you are watching or participating somehow... you're seeing it.  And you know what?  I think it's a story that will be retold often after He restores all things.

We are thankful and happy you're in the story.

So - what is next?  Airfare and it's expensive.  As of 6/29 it's hovering around 2K for a round trip for one person.  Four over - seven back - do the math. It's daunting but not really.  You see God has brought us this far (read here for that part of the story).  He will get them home.

One of the greatest things we'll tell these boys is..."do you have any idea how God used hundreds of people to get you here? - Let me tell you the story..."  Enter - (place your name here)...


We Love you all,

Marshall and Lorrie

A New Perspective

One of the hardest times during an adoption comes when all of the paperwork is completed and there is absolutely nothing more you can do but wait. Waiting for "the call" that will get the ball rolling to purchase airline tickets, book hotels and finally give you the opportunity to meet the children you have been praying and preparing for over a very long time is like being in the third trimester of pregnancy and not knowing when labor will begin.  That is exactly where we are in our adoption process and it is a very hard place to be.

We received word that on May 21st -May 25th the boys would be in Manila completing their medicals and visa interviews.  Our family was so excited with this news and, of course, we had to look back at the paperwork from Naomi's and Jacob's adoptions to give us an "idea" of the timeline ahead of us.  In both cases, visa's had been issued within 7 days of their appointments and we received word that we could travel shortly after that.  So, within a month of their medical exams we were in the Philippines meeting our child.  That's it we said!  We will most likely be traveling at the end of June into the beginning of July.  We were so certain of this time frame - our time frame - that we began thinking ( and telling folks) we would probably be traveling during this time. (Rule number 1 in an adoption is NEVER have your own time frame. Rule number 2...once you have a time frame don't share it with many because plans always change with adoptions)! And sure enough, having our own time frame ended up being a bad thing as it is now the end of June and we have yet to receive the call we had anticipated back in May.

 However, this week God gave me a new perspective on the wait as I was reading from Jesus Always.  I read...
    " Instead of trying to force Me to do what you want, when you want it, relax and look for what I am already doing.  Live in a receptive mode - waiting for Me, trusting in My timing. "
I continued reading...
  " My followers often fail to see the many blessings I shower on them.  They're so busy looking for other things that they miss what is before them - or what is on the way.  They forget I am sovereign God and the timing of events is My prerogative." 

At that moment as I was reading those words God changed my heart.  My eyes were opened to something that I hadn't seen before. Up until now, we have made the waiting all about us. When will the call come because WE need to know and WE need to plan.   How much will airfare be?  Will we have enough money to cover the tickets?  What happens if we don't? What about Marshall's job?  Will he be able to take vacation at a moments notice? This is the busy season for him. There are so many unknowns and that makes things difficult and scary.  Yet, God gently reminded me as I was reading those words that the wait isn't just about us. It's also about our boys - even more so. As we wonder when the call will come and try to plan every last detail we are loosing sight of the most important thing.  Everyday we wait for the call God is doing something in our boys heart to prepare them for our family. God knows what they need and exactly when they need it.  For reasons we don't understand, our boys must need a little extra time in the Philippines to prepare to leave everything they have known, come to a new country and join our family. That's a big thing - especially for a young child.  They must need something more. So, everyday we wait for our phone to ring, God is using the time to bring glory to His story and to prepare  our boys (His children ) in ways we may never fully understand.  I was reminded that His timing and His ways are always perfect.  I was given a new perspective; one that has changed my whole way of thinking about this waiting thing.

 I would like to say that the call came as I was writing this post. It did not. There are still so many unknowns at this time and the waiting is still hard.  After all, we are human and are so excited to meet our boys.  We still pray for the call to come soon. However, as we wait for the phone to ring and make a dash towards the caller ID with every phone call, we can rest and trust knowing that God is doing so much in our family and in our boy's lives. One day soon that call will finally come and we will be joined together as a family. What a day that will be!

 "Lord help me keep my eyes on you as we wait for the call."

Lorrie